Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Damn dam anger

Wirral Globe: Makeshift damn ...err... dam for construction traffic 'led to flooding'

That's the saddest-looking councillor I've ever seen. Is that dam made of puppies, or something?

Near miss anger

Lancashire Telegraph: Shopkeep nearly KILLED TO DEATH by drunk-driver

All's well - they nailed him for parking on a double yellow.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Waltham Forest anger

Waltham Forest Guardian: New project in East 17 not very popular

The best bit about East 17 was when the lead singer ate too many jacket potatoes and ran over his own head.

Spotter's Badge: Andrew

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Arty letterbox anger

Border Mail: Which one of you filthy dags stole my letter box?

The replacement is just as lovely (if you're into brutalist architecture)


Border Mail: Strewth! I got it back!


Spotter's Badge: Meredith

Playground vandalism anger

Lancashire Telegraph: Sorry kiddiewinks, there's no money left to fix your playground this time

But they do have the money to build a gallows.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Destroyed garden anger

Northcote Leader: Residents furious after contractors mow over their community garden

Featuring a ghost child from the 1950s at the front

Spotter's Badge: Rob J

Monday, September 28, 2015

Wendy House anger

Oldham Evening Chronicle: Playhouse for the kiddiewinks denied planning permission

Look at that face, Oldham Council. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

Spotter's Badge: Angel

Charity box theft anger

Falmouth Packet: Crims use bolt cutters to break into cafe, steal charity box

Looks like some high-level security you've got there, pal. Oh, and I'll have one of those five quid wetsuits.

Jam theft anger

The West Briton: Thief steals 100 pots of jam and marmalade from road-side stall

Trying to think of a suitable jam-based pun.

Got nothing. Just hunt down and kill the bastards. With bees.

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Secret drug den anger

Derby Telegraph: Derby's parks supposedly full of secret drug dens

These kids are doing "log". Log switches off vital parts of your brain and makes you shit out your own pelvis. Kids! Say "no" to log.

Spotter's Badge: Nowtas

Dog poo fines anger

Dundee Evening Telegraph: Dog mess fines may be added to offenders' council tax bins

Now there's a picture of a man leaning on a dog poo bin, but determined not to touch it with his hands.

Stay away from our bins anger

Worcester News: Stop dumping dog turds in my recycling bins, says shopkeep

FACT: Dog turds are non-commercial waste, and cost you money.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Sunday trading anger

Great Yarmouth Mercury: Vicar pickets MP's office over plans to relax Sunday trading laws

By coincidence, that's also the title of the next Florence and the Machine album.

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Boring holiday anger

Border Mail: Man wants party cruise, doesn't do his research and gets flower arranging, wants compo

I'm sure there were hundreds of women of a certain age after a party. You should have stuck it out, son.

Spotter's Badge: Meredith

Terrible smell anger

Queensland Times: Residents plagued by terrible smell on hot days

That's fine nose-holding, but it's no clothes peg on the conk.

Spotter's Badge: Rob W

Friday, September 25, 2015

Crucifix anger

Daily Record: Man barred from pub for wearing crucifix

Barman given a rocket, all well.

Spotter's Badge: Stephen

Trees vs dead people anger

Coventry Telegraph: Campaign to stop trees being dug up to create space to extend graveyard

People of Coventry --- If you're going to die, make sure you do so in Leicester for the time being.

Spotter's Badge: Rob R

Cartoon phone bandwidth anger

Evening Standard: Ooooooooh! Who's going to get you a £3,000 phone bill for going over your bandwidth limit by watching cartoons? SpongeBob Squarepants!

No, you try to get it to fit to the tune.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Rugby arson anger

Portsmouth News: Vandals dice with death by setting fire to rugby team's minibus


Spotter's Badge: Jonathan

Caught speeding anger

Bristol Post: 'Yes, I know I was going faster than the 20mph limit, but I didn't realise the police were actually enforcing it'

How VERY dare the police enforce the law. Into the sea with you.

Spotter's Badge: Al

Swimming in turds anger

CBC Windsor Ontario: Sewage keeps flooding local basements

"I was shot wearing this top, missed all my vital organs and came out the other side."

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Not a garage anger

Bournemouth Echo: Newly constructed garage suddenly sprouts windows, front door and a letterbox

Nice try mate, now knock it down.

Lidl car park Scout leader anger

Sevenoaks Chronicle: Scout leader fined for parking in Lidl car park even though the store was closed

Where are your observation skills - didn't you read the signs? Take your hands out of your pockets. ARE THOSE JEANS? Baden-Powell would be turning in his grave.

Spotter's Badge: Rob C

Not a business anger

Lancashire Telegraph: Council decide couple's domestic stables rateable as a business

Why the long face?

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Railway footbridge anger

Bromley News Shopper: Dad's anger as new footbridge overlooks his children's bedroom

Try "curtains". You may know them as "window blankets".

Spotter's Badge: Sumegi

School vandalism anger

Aberdeen Express: Windows smashed, school garden dug up, kids upset

And Harry Styles (far right) is absolutely fuming.

Spotter's Badge: David

Contaminated holy water anger

Chronicle Live: Priest vows to shit up* the people who pissed in his holy water


Spotter's Badge: Andrew

Monday, September 21, 2015

Gas works anger

Portsmouth News: Road works causing danger for local residents, kiddiewinks

As one commenter points out: "The picture shows:

1) A clearly open and usable path.
2) A ramp to allow a mobility scooter to cross the kerb.

The picture entirely contradicts the two main complaints in the story."

Apart from that, all good.

Spotter's Badge: Jonathan

Taxi driver parking ticket anger

Lancashire Telegraph: Taxi driver fined for parking on double yellow while picking up disabled fare from pub

Just like in the picture above. Oh dear.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Bedsit baron anger

Wolverhampton Express and Star: Residents say local landlord has turned area into a hive of scum and depravity

...soon to be twinned with Mos Eisley spaceport.

Spotter's Badge: Gordy

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Building site anger

Watford Observer: "Chaos" living near building site

Slightly reminiscent of that ‘apocalypse playground’ dream sequence scene in Terminator.

Spotter's Badge: TRT

Smashed up garden anger

Lancashire Telegraph: Head teacher blasts yobs who smashed up school's "little Garden of Eden"

FACT: The biblical Garden of Eden also featured a pile of forklift pallets and some old tyres.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

No bowling anger

Portsmouth News: Future of bowling alley still not decided

In the mean time, both he and his wife must take turns sitting on that giant egg until it hatches.

Spotter's Badge: Jonathan

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Drugs in my shorts anger

Portsmouth News: Man finds drugs in swimming shorts he bought from Primark

Kiddiewink (centre) could have found them. Think of the kiddiewink.

Spotter's Badge: Jonathan

Messy waste ground anger

Lancashire Telegraph: Woman wants the council to tidy up waste ground near her home

Superbly, they photograph her in front of a patch that looks reasonably nice. And - bless - she's Thinking Of The Kiddiewinks.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Seat reservation anger

Manchester Evening News: Woman forced to stand on train after scumbag steals her seat

Some people are actually arguing the other passenger may have been in the right, because they have no human decency whatsoever.

Spotter's Badge: Mick

Friday, September 18, 2015

Shoddy speed bump anger

Beds on Sunday: Everything is wrong with these speed bumps, says bloke

And the council replies: There's nothing wrong with these speed bumps. Shut up.

Spotter's Badge: Saul

School playing field anger

Sunshine Coast Daily: Locals don't like the idea of a school playing field near their homes

All those children, in a controlled educational environment. STAY AWAY FROM OUR BINS!

Spotter's Badge: Rob J

Police no-show anger

Lytham St Annes Express: Mum angry that no police turned up when abusive drunk turns up at park

Five years of undercover work down the drain thanks to this news report. Now we'll never know who the park playground sherbert dip kingpin is.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Kiddiewink fun-time wrecked anger

Bolton News: Thieves make off with school's gardening equipment

There's a whole gallery of teeny fury here, but this shot's got at least two Damian Death-stares.

Spotter's Badge: Karen, Paul

Pirate dog poo anger

Oxford Mail: Spectre of dog mess casts shadow over park celebration

Just look out for pirates with dogs. They seem to be the culprit.

Spotter's Badge: Rob H

Wayward balls anger

Stoke Sentinel: Residents ask cricket club if they'd mind not hitting balls into their gardens

And no, you're not getting them back.

Beetle in juice carton anger

Lancashire Telegraph: Teenager finds a bug in her fruit juice

Considering a new category: Angry people who mistake their local newspaper for the supermarket customer services desk

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Rolf Harris think of the kiddiewinks anger

Kent Online: Book by Rolf Harris discovered in public library, where a kiddiewink might find it and catch paedo germs or something

We are fast approaching peak Think of the Kiddiewinkism.

Spotter's Badge: Neil, Rob C

Closed motorway junction anger

Wolverhampton Express and Star: Residents want closed junction re-opened to traffic

A new concept - pointing at a protest sign that you can't read.

Spotter's Badge: Gordy

Tax office protest anger

Border Mail: One-man protest outside tax office

...through the tried-and-tested-and-utterly-ineffective medium of garden chair and huge piece of card that you can't read.

Spotter's Badge: Meredith

Keep your fatty balls away from our park anger

Burton Mail: Woman told to stop feeding birds at the park as her fatty balls are attracting rats

Then you eat the rat. Good eating onna rat.

Spotter's Badge: Jamie

Stolen plants anger

Blackpool Gazette: Councillor Jackson 'frustrated' as thieves steal flowers

"I'm sorry Miss Jackson, I am for real, I didn't mean to steal your floral plants"

Spotter's Badge: Mick

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

School uniform anger part the third

Another week, and other batch of kids falling victim to power-crazed head teachers. Or: another bunch of rebel kids and the parents flouting the school rules. You decide.


 Eastern Daily Press: The soles of your shoes are the wrong colour. Into seclusion you go

Bexley News Shopper: Did we say boots were part of school uniform? No, we did not - home you go

With the added bonus of mum coming out fighting in the comments

Spotter's Badge: Neil, Dave